So I had the privilege of illustrating a poster for Cameron Esposito’s upcoming show “Homo Genius”. She had requested a head with a rainbow inside of it initially which inspired this rather macabre interpretation:

She liked that idea but I think the unzippered brain, inspired by a Garbage Pail Kid Card wasn’t really capturing the feminine mystique so, with her direction, it evolved into this:

There…now that’s more like it. Anyway, any comics or show producers out there, I work cheap, fast and  high quality so send me an email (dewidiot@gmail.com) and get it while the getting’s good! Seriously, you know that a good poster or picture for your website is worth the cash. Contact me.

Now onto more retarded fare…

This past weekend I performed at what has to easily be the worst gig I have ever done. My roommate Tony who is a Bartender/Personal Trainer/Actor/Director/Screenwriter and religious Mario Kart player invited me to perform at his company’s holiday party. I admit that I was a little hesitant at first. When I asked if people would even pay attention during the middle of a party he responded, “Dude, everyone is real fuckin’ chill and cool. Don’t worry, they’re good people and plus I’m gonna introduce you so don’t even worry. If anyone gives you any shit I’ll be like, “Hey this is my boy! Y’all need to shut the fuck up!”

That pretty much diverted my fears. Also, Tony planned on dressing like “Miami Vice” for the party. Not a character from the show, but more sort of the general feel of the idea of  “Miami Vice”. Now I could relax. Because if a drunk bartender wearing a Hawaiian shirt and a Mafia hat can’t command the respect of 200 shit-faced waiters, who can?

When we arrived at the party the manager running it had no idea I was doing stand up there. I worry about losing my sense of irony now that I live in LA. Like the pod people. It’s bliss when it takes you over. I sleep until 11 or noon and then get up and draw things. It’s hard to keep that cynical edge. But Tony helps. The party started at 9pm but we didn’t know when I was going to perform. We found out that I was supposed to go on at 10:00 or 10:30 then it was 11:20, finally I was called to perform at 11:35. They put my set in between rounds of Karaoke and the staff raffle with no stage or lights and a Karaoke mic with effects on it. In the middle of a crowded restaurant. Drunk girls trying to get to the bathroom had to walk directly in front of and past me and EVERY TIME they would high five me or lean on my shoulder and say, “Hey, you’re really funny.” all slurred in the middle of my set and it would echo across the room from the Karaoke mic and then everyone would go “Wooooooooo!”.

Tony had to introduce me twice because it was hard to penetrate the roaring din of 200 people spread out across a restaurant partying for free with a single amp Karaoke mic. I had a list of credits that was requested by the DJ and the manager so that I seemed like I was someone important. I went over the list with Tony in the car on the way to the party. I read it to him at the party and gave him a written sheet with the credits on it. This is how it was written and should have gone:

He’s performed at Lollapalooza

Been featured main-stage at The Comedy Store

Featured as a “Hot Now” act on the Front Page of Funny or Die

And headlined at The Chicago Apollo

Please give a warm welcome to, Andrew DeWitt! (Yay! Applause)

This is how it came out from Tony’s mouth:

My friend, he’s my roommate, uh…

Headlined Lollapalooza

Headlined the Comedy Shop

Headlined Funny or Die.com

and uh…dude, what else? Oh yeah, Chicago Apollo

Give it up for my boy!

No mention of my name.

Performing to an eye level crowd in front of a Karaoke projection screen paused on the last lyrics of “This Is How We Do It”  with a bunch of strangers waiting to win iPods from their boss is bizarre to say the least. What was even more disconcerting is that they were standing directly in front of me less than 5 feet away. I tried to follow the advice Tony gave me as he handed me the mic without letting anyone know who I was, “Kill this shit, duuude!”

For this performance I was given two drink tickets, a pack of cigarettes and all the spanakopita I could eat.